What Parents Should Know About Creating a Holiday Custody Schedule

Reaching an agreement on child custody can be one of the most difficult tasks associated with divorce, and creating a holiday custody schedule is often one of the hardest parts of the negotiation. Usually, both parents want to be with their children on the holiday itself. In creating the schedule, parents need clear communication, which is not always easily established between a divorcing couple. In addition, it’s necessary to balance logistics and emotions with the best interests of the child. The child’s best interests is a standard that family courts try to follow as well.

Start With the Parenting Plan

The first step is to take a look at the existing parenting plan. This may have been created by the court, negotiated by the parents and their divorce lawyers or created by the parents themselves. Even if parents have worked together to create a parenting plan that they both agree on, they may want to ensure that they make it a formal legal agreement. Formally documenting the terms can help protect parents and children and may make the agreement legally enforceable. If creating a holiday custody schedule requires changes to an existing parenting plan, parents may need to return to court to seek a modification.

If the plan includes holiday custody provisions, parents should take a careful look at the precise times for custody to start and end. Parents may also want to check what holidays are included. For example, the document might include major holidays, but parents might want to add the child’s birthday or school breaks.

Finally, parents need to stick to the plan. Parenting time and child support are usually separate legal obligations, so a parent cannot generally assume that a dispute over child support means they can withhold parenting time.

Build Schedule Around the Child’s Needs

There are several factors parents should consider when it comes to what is best for the child. First, there are logistical issues. While the child’s needs come first, if one parent is working an emergency room shift or flying a plane on Thanksgiving, the schedule will need to take this into account. The distance between parents’ homes is another consideration. If parents live half an hour apart, the child may be able to spend half of the day with one parent and half with the other. This might be less practical or impossible if the distance is greater.

However, parents should be careful about letting short distances between their homes turn into a situation where the child is going through multiple exchanges or racing between houses. As much as each parent may want equal time with the child, this may not be the best solution even for households that are near one another. Whether parents live a few minutes or a few hours apart, the best option could be to alternate holidays from year to year instead of requiring the child to travel between homes multiple times.

If parents have different religious and cultural observances, this could also play a part. Relationships with grandparents and extended family may also be a consideration. Children may have half-siblings or step-siblings with one parent that they want to be around for the holidays. In fact, while a burden of deciding between parents shouldn’t be placed on kids, in some situations, parents may want to give children input into where they spend their holidays, especially when it comes to older children.

Both age and developmental needs are factors, and parents should be aware that they may need to adjust the schedule as children get older. Very young children may not want to be away for very long from either parent. Older teenagers may need to work around jobs, plans with friends and extracurricular activities.

Use Clarity to Reduce Conflict

Even parents with a strong and low-conflict co-parenting relationship should avoid any ambiguity in the holiday custody schedule. This is not just for their sake but for their children as well. Kids need to know what to expect, and making dates, exact times and plans for exchange explicit can ensure that there are no surprises.

Things to consider include school holidays, travel arrangements and what to do if there are conflicts between the regular parenting time agreement and the holiday custody schedule. Parents should clarify which schedule takes precedence in this situation. In addition, parents should think beyond the best-case scenarios and plan for what they’ll do if changes are necessary. This may include how they will communicate changes and how far in advance they’ll communicate those changes.

As important as these details are, parents should also prepare to be flexible if necessary. Kids get unexpectedly sick, or a parent may get called into work at the last minute. This can be stressful and disappointing for everyone involved, but it will be easier to manage if it’s been considered ahead of time. While it’s usually a good idea to have the custody agreement legally modified if there are permanent changes, parents who mutually agree on a temporary change may not need to return to court.

Parents who are struggling to communicate regarding custody may want to consider software tools that help facilitate this type of communication. Shared calendars and parenting apps can allow them to record exchange times, communicate regarding changes and keep track of information. However, parents should make sure that any communication methods they use are consistent with the requirements of their custody order.

In crafting a custody arrangement with the help of an experienced attorney like those at Davis & Associates, parents should avoid thinking in terms of winning or losing when it comes to holidays. In most cases, both parents want to spend as much time as they can with their child, but custody agreements are ultimately for the child’s benefit. The goal should be to create a predictable agreement that allows kids to enjoy the holidays without getting caught between any parental conflicts. Keeping the focus on the child helps parents achieve this aim.